I hate anxiety, and I’m pretty sure it hates me back. I want to sleep, it won’t let me. I want to eat, it takes away my appetite, and if I want to diet then it gives it back double! To me anxiety is a source of self doubt. When I get anxious about something I am doing it makes me question my abilities.
It’s really a silly reaction, because sometimes I question myself when the anxiety is caused by something I have no control over. It’s as if, for example, I get anxious because I can’t print to the office printer at school, so my brain says “You must be a bad music teacher.” In reality it’s IT’s problem, but reality is not my brain’s strong suit sometimes.
Some of my anxiety is justified, I have a final paper and video project due for two classes that I have to pass to graduate, and I have to graduate to get my teaching license and get full benefits, etc. at my job. On top of all that, my contract starts three days after those classes end… I’m in overdrive trying to prepare lessons and write papers/make videos at the same time.
The problem is that between the rational and irrational anxiety, I’m finding it hard to sleep. I wish I had the answer. Perhaps a refill of some medication, or transcendental meditation. I really have no idea.